Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Radiation Day 7
Walking allows me to plan lessons, write book reviews in my head and sort out problems in peace. I've even been known to have an epiphany or two. In fact walking around the neighborhood this past Sunday I had just such an epiphany.
Let me back up a little bit though. When the mammogram techs were placing the wire that would guide the surgeon during the first lumpectomy, one of them commented that the doctor was very concerned about getting the incision for the guide wire as close to the incision for two biopsies. Apparently, he was concerned about the cosmetic impact of the scar. At the time, I was very uncomfortable, a little nauseous and just wanted the whole thing over and done with. I responded, that I didn't care about the cosmetics - I'm a librarian, not a swimsuit model. Immediately following the first surgery, I though the scar looked pretty good. Then they had to go back in and they used the same incision. After that I sort of avoided looking at the scar.
However, since starting radiation, I've made it a practice to check it on a daily basis. I have to check for any skin changes due to the radiation. I told Tony that I thought that since the second surgery and the radiation, the scar doesn't look quite so good. I might have used the words "hideous" and "rather scary".
I'm not sure what I'm worried about. It's not like anyone will ever see it. Even when I wear a bathing suit, you can't see it. (I tend to go for rather modest suits.) Still it's not a pretty sight. At least that's what I was thinking until I sorted things out on my Sunday walk around the neighborhood.
My scar isn't ugly. In fact it's beautiful. That scar is just one more sign that I am a survivor. And a lucky one at that. I got to keep my breast, when some women don't. That scar is a sign that the cancer has been removed and that I'm winning the battle. I won't be showing it off - but it doesn't bother me anymore.
Nothing like a good walk to get your head on straight and see things with a better perspective.