As the old saying goes "I feel knee high to a grasshopper."
It's not just because I'm tired. Or because of the strange chills I've been getting or even the fact that I feel like some one put a heating pad in my bra. No. I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm ashamed of myself for not being super woman.
I recently found out that an acquaintance has breast cancer. She hasn't told anyone. She only told me because she thought we might run into each other at the Cancer Center. This woman is quite a bit older than I am, yet when she had her surgery she returned to work the following day. She is quite proud of the fact that she "recovers quickly." She spent a good bit of time going on about how she so's resilient that no one even knows she had surgery. She didn't even take any time off from work. She says that's just how she is. She doesn't know what all the fuss is about. She says she's already beat the cancer (she hasn't started her radiation treatments yet) and she doesn't need counseling.
I spent most of last night mentally kicking myself for beingn such wimp and a whiny one at that. If I had any doubt I'm a big baby, well after talking to her, now I know I for sure that I am.
I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about what I'm going through. Does that make me whiny? It's not my intent to be whiny. I drone on and on about all that I'm going through because I thought that if I could talk about what I'm feeling (the good, the bad, the whiny - all of it) it might help others. A doctor can tell you about the challenges you'll be facing, but somehow it doesn't seem quite real unless you hear it from someone who has actually experienced it. That's why I've been reading so many stories about breast cancer survivors.
I wanted to find out way to do something for others (and I'll be honest, airing my fears and concerns - and my successes and blessings on this blog is helpful for me.) Tonight, I just don't know. I know I'm rambling. It's been a long week. The radiation has zapped my energy more than I ever expected.
On Monday, I thought I was doing well, all things considered. But now I'm not so sure. I guess I'm just having one of those days. Maybe I'll be more rational tommorrow.
What do you think? Should people with an illness/disease keep it to themselves? Carry on as though it doesn't exist. Should we all be Wonder Woman or should we just concentrate on being human?